SOLO DAYS

worms1 I have been flying solo while Chris has been out-of-town for the past week (and a bit). Either I’m a pretty poor fort holder upper or my young fort mates just really enjoy letting loose (put sweetly) when I’m manning all posts, because let me tell you being the only adult in the house thing is flipping hard. Solo parenting is for the worms, okay it’s not actually for the worms. It’s for the super humans (serious super humans, I am in total awe of those of you who solo parent full-time – and how my own Mom was able to do it with such amazing grace) that was just my really poor attempt to tie in a photo that has little to know meaning to this ramble of words.

It always seems as though one or both kids just save up all their “best” behaviors for when I’m on my own. Also (and more likely) they are just missing their Dad like crazy, and through in some growth spurts and weather related allergy issues. During the day it’s been tag team Momma, two against one and I’m grasping to fix things, correct behavior and wondering why (oh why) they are acting so poorly. Then night falls, they are asleep and I look back and see only my faults during the day and they go right back to being little sweet angels that I can’t wait to see in the morning. In hindsight, I most likely have been really poorly handling whatever each kiddo has been going thru and then I let that feeling of not doing a great job totally take over and I then I go ahead and stink things up even more. I feel like maybe I need humbling parenting moments (or a full week) like these, to set me back in place. They remind me that I am not perfect, but I am perfect for my kids. We have a couple more days of just us three and I am taking deep breaths and trying my best to make these last days more like trio days rather than solo.

*last week we stopped in the rain to save all the worms we could, little sweet moments like this happen just when you need them (but usually I notice this in hindsight).



I HAD NEVER

eating-alone A couple weeks ago, I had a hour of time to myself. King was at school, Chris was at work and Harlow was attending an hour long class. I was out in public, hungry and totally alone. I decided to go for a bite to eat, I didn’t realize until I sat down that it was in fact the first time I have ever eaten in a restaurant, alone. It was relaxing and enjoyable, heck I even ate the eggs while they were still hot! I realized how absolutely ridiculous it was that it took me having zero alone time (ZERO), to actually enjoy being alone. Before kids, I never in my hungriest would have sat down in an actual restaurant to eat, by myself. Of course, I took a quick photo to remember – it was a pretty memorable event for me, maybe silly. It made me think (and want to eat at more restaurants by myself) about other things I would never do, things that make me uncomfortable, things that would probably give me anxiety, and I started to make a list. Bacon and Eggs really made me think, I don’t want to be saying “I have never” to those other things on my list – and I decided I need to push myself to try things that are scary and are way outta my comfort zone (even though it’s super comfy around here). Now, NOT later. Bacon and Eggs, otherwise now known as the epiphany meal.

Have you ever eaten alone? Do you have a list of things that make you uncomfortable or scared, that you one day want to conquer?

MORE THAN JUST A DATE

more than just a date more than just a date more than just a date more than just a date niagara falls canada Tribe Rocks Bag This weekend alone with my husband was a fantastic one. Even thought it was really hard for me to be away from my kids, driving away after we dropped them off consisted of me trying not to cry like a baby. The first night I didn’t sleep a wink, not because I was worried I knew they were in great hands – but simply because I was without them. I haven’t had time alone with Chris for more then a couple hours in over 5 years, it always felt fine and like we didn’t need to get away – until we did. Not that I need time away from my kids, I don’t. But time alone with my husband is also very important and something I didn’t really realize I was missing in my life.

After this weekend, I promised myself that going forward I was going to make all our time spent together, much more intentional (among other things, more on this later). Without even realizing it, our regular nights together or dates were often spent floating a little on habit. Usually half our date/night is spent catching our breath and catching up on life, then once we are finally present with each other it’s also time for bed. Having a weekend away allowed us to sorta, have a night to catch our breath and then still have time to be with each other and present in those moments. It was more then a fantastic weekend because we got away, it was truly fantastic because I got to truly be with the man I love.

We talked and I plan on talking about it even more – probably more then I need too, I have a knack for that. After the past weekend I plan on making all our dates more than just a date and to stay overall more intentional with all the time I spend with him. Have real date nights at home, not just a night without the kids – because that’s often what they are like.

more than just a date A really simple plan (I really like simple things):

  • Feed the kids and then order in food just for us
  • Play a game of cards instead of watch tv.
  • Save a movie for a date night, rather then watch it the first night we have it in hand.
  • Just sit and chat with a drink no movie or tv.
  • Go to bed early and just talk.
  • Keep the phone and computers away (this is a huge one), maybe after a certain time because often we have some work to catch up on (or mostly me).
  • Ask someone to babysit, and go out of the house more often (this will be hard for me, I’m extremely bad at asking for help).

I love love, that we are a family that spends the majority of or time on dates and adventures together. And I definitely do not want those to stop, I just really want to add in some frequent real dates with the person that I created this family with – and I think that’s just as important as spending time as a family.

PS. my bag, it came in the mail just a few hours before we left – and I had the whole weekend to say over and over again “I love this bag”. So I will for sure talk about it again, but in case you are wondering it’s from Tribe and it’s awesome.

TOO LITTLE / TOO MUCH

*what a lazy morning looks like when Chris tries to rest “just” his eyes.

Blogging is funny and lifestyle blogging even funnier, it’s this really beautiful thing to be able to document and share love, likes and moments – and also a really strange thing to do for all those same reasons, to be honest. In the beginning it was easy, no one was reading so I just wrote (and not well at all, so don’t even think about going back to look) it took me a long time to find my voice and to feel comfortable with documenting. Then pretty much the same moment I started to feel comfortable, I suddenly realized others were reading and got a little self conscious. That balance of sharing too much or too little is something I struggle with often, and I think this is probably a line most people who share parts of themselves in open forums wrestle with. Being honest and just honestly myself is always my goal, I’ve never been a very skilled pretender (also see, worst actress ever). The too little/too much struggle, for me seems to grow as my readership grows (even in the little leaps) and maybe even a little more as my kids grow up and my content naturally shifts and changes.

I don’t always feel comfortable talking about how Chris and I have been arguing for a couple days, how Kingston has been pushing me past my patience limits with his 5 Year Old attitude, that the 9 loads of dirty laundry piled high makes me want to sob a little, how I’ve been struggling so hard with no personal space and it’s made me short tempered and actually a bit of a b****. Those moments are always there, they just don’t always make it here. As this space grows and I run into people in real world who read this blog, I get more self conscious of what I’m sharing. It’s truly a hard balance, to document and be real and not over share or embarrass – I want my kids (and myself) to look back on this space with pride, never with shame or embarrassment.

I don’t consider myself a writer at all (that wouldn’t be fair to writers), I consider myself a talker and a thinker. I write how I talk and think and when I’m feeling comfortable my talking and conversing is on point – and usually I am extremely comfortable talking on this space. I love sharing my thoughts, style, random rambles, our little life, my passions and just things I really dig. Sometimes my posts are short and sweet or even a little fluffy and sometimes they are a little longer but I always try my best to keep things real and never staged. I seem to pop in every few weeks with a dear diary post (what I usually call my rambles) that are honest and raw, they almost always leave me thinking about the too little/too much line obsessively usually all night with wide eyes. I always come back to the same conclusion, that the over thinking that comes with the too little or too much struggle is a really great one – it keeps me in check and honest with myself.

*I wrote this post a couple weeks back, that’s how it often goes with rambles – they sit in draft mode till I can work out my thoughts enough to make actual written sense. I wasn’t going to post, because I wasn’t sure it even had any sense to it – then I read this post by House of Habit and it really re-opened up a the whole thought process. And I came to the same conclusion, I’m happy to teeter on the line and sometimes have a few sleepless when I feel I’ve shared a tad too much it’s much better then the opposite of falling short or over sharing all the time.

What do you guys think? Do you struggle with this line when you are blogging or just posting on social media in general?