MY EPIC RECIPE

Sitting down to write this or even vocalize this was in it self, pretty overwhelming. Explaining those thoughts that consume my overactive brain and sometimes become the root of my anxiety is/was so hard. Like so many other things, it all makes perfect sense in my head – but since the thoughts are always in my head, to get them out and make actual clear sense is another story.

Every few weeks I consume myself with thoughts of the future; dreams, hopes, wants, all of these things. Not material wants or dreams, but thoughts about what I should be doing with my time (the time not spent raising my kiddos, because that will always be my number one dream). See this is where it gets really hard to explain. With back to school for King right around the corner (sad mom panda), thoughts of next September (when both kids will be heading to school) creep in my mind. On top of making myself extremely sad thinking about the fact that they have grown up so fricking fast, I have a muddle of thoughts about what I should be doing for myself and for an income when that time comes. See I always have these thoughts that there is something I should be doing, but my issue is I can’t pin point it. There so many dreams, so many things I feel I should be doing – I can’t narrow them down enough to figure it out. It’s also very hard to explain the SHOULD feeling.

I have tons of experience and knowledge in one field (and assumed I would go back to it at some point), have the skills and love for others, have serious entrepreneurial fever, plus a passion for things entirely separate. Having kids and being a stay at home Mom has made me a much more confident and self assured Brandy, it has also given me so much time to think and has opened my eyes to more passions and skills that I didn’t know existed in me before. Many days I feel like the jack of all trades and the master of none, but am constantly consuming my thoughts with how I can be the master of a couple things fulfilling all my dreams and needs in the process. It’s very hard to explain.

I feel like the natural way to do things in life (crazy metaphor coming up) is to pick one item from the garden and make the best meal you can possibly make. My issue has always been that I can’t decide on just one item, I love and am pretty great at cooking so many of them but I just can’t figure out how to make them all go together in one epic recipe. Do you ever get this overwhelming feeling that is created by your own thoughts, hopes and dreams? I know I will get there, eventually and will probably continue to change and grow along the way – but not seeing it clearly right now, makes me a little crazy. I think I just have this natural ability to constantly be dreaming and scheming, and overwhelming myself in the process.

Comments

  1. says

    Whatever you decide to do, you will be great at it. I have no doubt. But also totally understand your overactive brain and your concern. Because it’s like — go the safer path and maybe end up less fulfilled? That’s what I’m doing right now… and I’d love to take a chance in a few years once Rob’s done with school on the less safe, but more creative and rewarding path. Anyways, I am a huge fan of you! Whatever you do, you will be epic at it. xoxoxoxoxo

    • Heart and Habit says

      You are way too sweet, and thank you!! I know I’ll figure it out and probably keep figuring it out as I go. You are such an amazing lady, the creative rewarding path is bond to be in your sight soon!

  2. says

    OMGee. You’ve outlined my life at the moment to a tee. Except that my little guys are older. THey are growing up so fast, heading to fourth grade, talking about girls they "like" – woah! Too fast. Then I have my day job, it pays the bills it’s a good gig overall, but it’s not my passion, and i have a whole different life and passion that I can’t seem to move forward with. So, I totally get what you’re saying about there is something you should be doing. I think sometimes we know EXACTLY what we should be doing, we are just a little scared to go for it. If that’s the case for you, GO FOR IT. I’m definitely going to. xx

    • Heart and Habit says

      Once I figure it all out, I’m jumping! Thank you so much for sharing, I hope to hear you taking the leap soon! And holy geeze, they grow WAY too fast!

  3. christie says

    I’m feeling the same exact way Brandy. My girls are 2 and 5. You are not alone. I want to follow my passion too but not too sure what it is..I am getting older and don’t have time to waste anymore on boring and safe paths but I also need money to provide for my girls. Feeling stuck most days so I know what you are going through. I know you can and will figure and how to mix that epic recipe into something magical!

    • Heart and Habit says

      Thank you so much Christie, it’s crazy comforting to know that others feel the exact same – though at the same time I don’t take comfort in others having a muddle of thoughts that can sometimes be overwhelming. I hope you figure it all out soon and are able to take the leap!

  4. danni remender says

    It might be hard to pinpoint, but I can completely empathize. I chose a career in early childhood education. Went to college for it (in England). It pays terrible and doesn’t offer great retirement plans or anything the government would provide. The dilema being, what do I do next? Another family member self employed and follow a passion, or be responsible and go back to school and get certified to be a teacher in the us. I can’t breathe it’s so consuming sometimes. And then I do nothing. The dream of being an at home mum to raise my kids went by all too fast.
    You are talented. You will figure it out. But it’s hard, and I think a lot of stay at home parents can identify.
    XXXX

    • Heart and Habit says

      Oh Danni, thank you for commenting. I know I will wade through this mess of thoughts and figure it all out – and I also know you will too. You are also crazy talented, and I’m sure there has to be a way for you to use your past career experience and mix it with your passion (even if it means going back to school, or not). You made me feel a little more "ah okay, I’m not alone" and that is helpful and comforting, so a big honest thank you!!

  5. Katie says

    It’s like you read my mind! I have a 2 year old who is also growing up WAY to fast. Although I was successful in my career through my 20’s & early 30’s my ‘big goal’ was always to have a family. Now, I do and I love it – my husband and daughter are my world. But, I also know that I’ll want to return to the professional world once she’s in school. Do I go the known, safe route & return to my former career? Explore something totally different, perhaps following a passion or interest? Look for the most lucrative option to bring my family some additional security?
    I actually laid out a plan for exploring options over the next 1-2 years and then researching more deeply while she’s in preschool so that I’ll be ready with a decision (I hope!) when she hits kindergarten.
    So, in other words, you’re not alone in this!

    • Heart and Habit says

      That is a great plan! I need to get to that point and make a similar plan, plan to plan (makes sense). Thank you Katie for taking the time to comment.

  6. says

    I love that you’ve brought this up, I’m sure every human being feels this way at some point, some more than others! I have the jack of all trades vs. focus issue myself. I love doing everything and exploring new things, ya know? I guess at some point I’ve had to do some majorly intense soul searching (it was actually one night while I was living overseas that I discovered my true passion, although it was already painfully obvious to everyone else of course) but something I’ve learned recently as a multi-skilled and easily distracted person is the art of contentment. Having chosen a “thing” or path if you will, I constantly have to remind myself to be content with it. Not that I’m not happy with what I do I absolutely love it. I just get distracted a lot I guess. And I second guess myself all the time!! Seriously brains are so complicated. I wish I could just put mine on mute!

    • Heart and Habit says

      So so so true! It’s like a creative curse! Usually I need to let me brain be crazy, and really good clear thoughts end up coming out at the end. I am grateful to have so many things I love, and can choose from – so really I should just be grateful not overwhelmed. Thank you!

  7. Mel says

    My dear Brandy, whatever the future holds, I’m sure it will be right up your alley. Whenever one feels lost, one day they wake up and everything is clear. Be patient my friend. Write everything down and when that day comes, you’ll be ready to execute. I have faith in you. Look how far you’ve come! Proud of you babe!

  8. says

    Oh geez, I could have written this post myself! I have these exact feelings that have been brewing inside of me since becoming a mom (well, before, if I’m being very honest). I know I’d like to do something new I just don’t know what that thing is. I’ve been saying I wish I just knew so I could just go for it!

    Sending you lots of happy (and clarifying) thoughts that you find your path or at least a direction to go forward. Thanks for putting into words a lot that I feel as well! I have a feeling we’ll look back and see that it all lead down the right road, it’s hard to see that when you’re on it!

    • Heart and Habit says

      It’s so hard, a creative curse maybe? I feel like I have this internal struggle often, but this time it’s different – because I know what I’m good at and what I like, but how to make it all work? IDK. You are right, we will figure it out – eventually! Thank you so very much for your comment and the clarifying thoughts!

  9. says

    This is EXACTLY where I have been for the last several months. Kadyn will be in school full time, Graysen will be starting some unparented programs and I’ve spent the last 6 or so years thinking and dreaming about this time. Now ‘this time’ is here and, well, WHOA! What now?!?!

    As of now, my plan is to do a little bit of this and a little bit of that and see where it takes me. With any luck, somewhere awesome! ; )

    • Heart and Habit says

      That’s really really exciting, and I know you have been talking about this time for a long time – something awesome WILL come of it all!! I fell like I go through this every few months, this time I am craving more focus and bigger better (insert blank, cause I don’t know). I’ve kinda been doing the bit of this and that for some time, and just feel that right now I need to make it a BIG this and maybe a BIGGER that. I think I sound confusing, probably cause I am also confused. Thanks for commenting, I’m super excited for you can’t wait to see what your little this and that is!

  10. says

    oh gosh I feel like everyone who commented! thank you so much for writing this post and really putting into words what we are all thinking. Just last week my twins and older daughter went to kindergarten and second grade. I have all this time on my hands and I really want to create in this time, but I dont know exactly what to do. I knit and crochet and screen print and blog and all that crazy stuff and its so fulfilling, and so hard to make a living and know if you want to do it as a career. Def feel you in the jack of all trades master of none. It is so much fun being a mom too. I never want that to feel like a second to whatever I am doing. I know you will do something amazing. You are so inspiring and encouraging. Praying for your next path!

    • Heart and Habit says

      Thank you so much! And same to you! I feel it’s a creative curse or something, to never feel totally settled – I’m sure it only means good fast moving things will come! Or something, that is me trying to convince you and me. 😉

  11. Jackeline says

    I relate to this post so much! It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who gets overwhelmed with my own thoughts! ?

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